The “Devil You Know” vs. Opportunities in Discomfort

What are all the things you do when you’re uncomfortable to get comfortable?

Well that’s a hefty question, especially since “comfortable” is often coded in our nervous systems as what is known. This coding is about what is familiar – the “devil you know.” Thus, our systems often non-consciously seek safety through avoiding discomfort by returning to the homeostasis of the familiar, regardless of how damaging that known territory may be.

These escape routes to what is comfortable come in many forms. Neck cracking, thought loops, muscle tensing and bracing, and swallowing words are some of the few examples of escape routes from discomfort. And discomfort is valuable. Discomfort is the arena in which growth happens. Discomfort is often linked with the unknown, which is where true learning can happen. True learning requires curiosity.

Curiosity is an expansive, fluid state in which new lessons can be received. We are not rigidified into a solid state of matter, which can present in stances like:

“I already know that”

“I don’t like that”

“That’s stupid and ridiculous”

“I could never do that”

“I must not be good enough”

“Everyone’s judging me”

… Ouch.

These stances themselves are where the pain lives. Living walled off, isolated, and/or shame-bound as a way of remaining “comfortable,” in the same old patterns, is painful. Most people do not step into the unknown until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing. However, instead of living in suffering perpetually, we can adopt curiosity as a way of being.

Beginner’s mind. Softening and surrendering while also being in the spine and sense-of-self. Playfulness and presence. You know these when you feel them.

Discomfort is not the same as pain. Pain is an important teacher that often signals we’re not yet ready to experience something (we need more resources, it’s not the optimal timing, etc.) or we’re not designed to experience it in order to sustain life.

I am not writing about enduring, tightening, pushing, and manufacturing through the pain. I am pointing attention to the growth edge in which what happens next is unknown and thus discomfort arises. In the discomfort, the habits of “all the things you do when you’re uncomfortable to get comfortable” can be witnessed.

What are the habits, often unconscious until we invite them to be seen by awareness, are your go-to’s in the moments of growth opportunity?

The invitation to notice is powerful. Living the question is a beautiful way of being – this is the way of the actors, the artists, the creators, the healers, and the true teachers. The people I know who are truly alive for their lives live the questions. The actors I watch who are most impactful and resonant are the ones who have learned to embrace discomfort with curiosity and a light-touch.

Life is ambivalence – the grey area, the many colors and shades and textures. The universe pulses in oscillation, breathing in and out – it is not rigid, held, or holding a façade. To notice our habits in the moments of discomfort – to expand that seeming flicker of time-space into longer breaths of time so we can notice and allow a different choice and exploration – is to live more naturally. With practice, it’s more fun and alive.

Practice: continuing to breathe, slowing down the internal speed, and noticing.

Why not let yourself be uncomfortable?